In the holiday spirit

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.  His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp.

What happened to you? asks Sean the bartender.

Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight, says Paddy

That little shit, O'Conner, says Sean, He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.

That he did, says Paddy, a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.

Well, says Sean, you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?

That I did, said Paddy.  Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.